Instant Family Review Part 2

This was an inspiring film about a family who not only adopts 1 child but 3! Being an adoptee myself I wanted to review this film and talk about it. **WARNING SPOILERS WILL FOLLOW!!!** When we last left the Wagner Family, Pete and Ellie (played by Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne respectively) were invited to an event where they could meet kids to foster and possibly adopt. The entire event is filled with young children ranging from ages 3-12. Pete and Ellie take a stroll around the event to see the children. They come across a child sitting by himself and start walking toward him, but the child is quickly snatched up by another pair of parents who left him for five minutes to go grab food. Now it’s always good to know what you want when adopting, but also have an open mind because you never know what God has in store for you, as you will read soon. After a while they sit down and eat with no prospects of children. They then notice a group of teenagers sitting on the steps and Ellie asks who they are. Karen the social worker (played by Octavia Spencer) explains that they are the teenage group who usually don’t get that much attention. When it comes to teenagers being adopted, the numbers are low. For the past 3 years, an average of 21% of teenagers has exited out of foster care (AFCARS, 2015, 2016, 2017). In 2017 in the DC, Maryland and Virginia area: only 14.5% of teenagers ages 13-17 were adopted in Maryland and only 13.6% of teenagers ages 13-17 were adopted in Virginia, however there were no teenage adoptions in DC (Department of State, 2017).

Pete decides to go up and talk to them much to Ellie’s protest. She says to Pete that they are teenagers who do drugs and watch people play video games on YouTube and that they are not equipped to handle that. A teenage girl walks up to them and says that they can all hear the couple, and that they can go back and check out the younger children, and to not give the teenagers another thought. Pete and Ellie are so impressed by her that they decide that she is the one that they want to foster. Like I said before, keep an open mind! When Pete and Ellie talk to Karen and Sharon (the second social worker played by Tig Notaro), they speak to the social workers about potentially taking in Lizzy. The social workers explain that Lizzy's mother Carla (played by Joselin Reyes) is a drug addict who is currently in jail, and that she set their home on fire because she left a crack pipe lit.

In addition, they inform the couple that Lizzy has two younger siblings, Juan (played by Gustavo Quiroz) and Lita (played by Julianna Gamiz). Now this throws the couple for a loop because they expected to foster one child and could possibly end up fostering 3 children!!! Your plans may be different from God’s purpose (Isaiah 55:8-9, Psalm 33:11 Proverbs 19:26)! Now there are cases where there are foster children who have siblings. With this in mind, you must pray and see if it is in God’s will for you to take in all the siblings.

Approximately two-thirds of children in foster care in the United States have a sibling also in care. Many of these children will be separated from their siblings. A common reason given for these separations is that workers could not find a permanent placement for all of the children (AdoptUSKids, n.d.). Some siblings are adopted by different families. Sadly, many of these separated brothers and sisters lose contact with one another. Sibling relationships help children achieve developmental milestones as well as provide emotional support, companionship, and comfort in times of change. When children are separated from their siblings, the research indicates that a number of children feel “they have lost a part of themselves,” which compounds the anxiety and pain they feel over separation from their parents and transition to a new home (Kernan, n.d.).

Pete and Ellie meet Lizzie’s siblings, Juan and Lita at a foster home owned by the Muskie family (played by John McConnell and Maureen Brennan). When Pete meets Juan, he sees him playing basketball and decides to join him. He asks Juan who his favorite team is and he says the Clippers to which Pete says he is more of a Lakers fan. Pete then shoots a basket, which misses and bounces off the rim and hits Juan in the face, which causes Juan to yell out “You hit me because I like the Clippers!” Pete quickly assures him that he didn’t and apologizes. Ellie goes over to Lita who invites her to play with dolls and Ellie accepts. She observes Lita pretending that her dolls are at a restaurant. Lita pretends that the waiter got her order wrong and calls the waiter a “beaner” (which is a very offensive racial slur against Latinos and Latinas). Children observe the behavior of those who are around them constantly. Remember the verse about bringing up a child in the way they should go and they will not depart (Proverbs 22:6)? This is a good example.

After the meeting, Pete and Ellie have Thanksgiving dinner at Ellie’s parent’s house and they all talk about how they met the siblings, and although they like the children they tell the family that they will not be moving forward with fostering them. The family breathes a sigh of relief stating that although they would have been supportive of them, they knew that Pete and Ellie couldn’t handle it. This could be your reality when telling your loved ones that you want to foster/adopt a child or teen. There will be some people who are genuinely supportive of you adopting children, but there may be others who secretly think that you cannot do it or that it isn’t right for you. Having nay-sayers happen in life, but you must remember that what God has for you is for you and that the joy of adoption and having a family of your own does not compare to what people are saying about you! Not to mention that you will love it so much that you won’t even care what they say! As I said before, is it easy? Absolutely not! Is it worth it? It is worth every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year. Ellie is shocked at what her family says about their confidence in them and decides to go forward with fostering the children with Pete agreeing with her.

Pete and Ellie bring Lizzy, Juan & Lita into their home and everything starts out well with no issues. They attend a foster parent support group and hear all of the different issues each parent is going through including yelling, cursing, fighting and more, while Pete and Ellie just sit back. When Karen asks them to share, Pete confidently says that there are no issues and that they have a knack for this parenting thing. The parents all laugh including Karen who says that this is the “honeymoon phase” and that the other shoe will drop soon and it drops sooner than they think.

At dinner that night, Ellie cooks for the children and Lita does not want to eat the food but only wants to eat potato chips. Ellie then says “no” to which Lita starts screaming and yelling. Lizzy speaks to Lita and tells her to behave but Ellie stops Lizzy and tells her that she will handle it, to which Lizzy leans back and lets her do it. Ellie tries to get Lita to behave and fails miserably, with Lizzy watching her and mocking that Ellie’s got this. Juan accidentally drops a glass containing juice and it breaks and spills all over the floor. He apologizes over and over again, crying even when Pete says that it’s not a problem. This displays that Juan is very sensitive toward every instance of trouble. Things calm down afterwards to which the Wagners lay in bed, saying that they are in over their heads.

The next morning they are having breakfast with the kids and they hear the doorbell ring and it’s Pete’s mother Sandy (played by Margo Martindale), who is ready to meet her grandkids and instantly wins them over which shocks the family! Grandparents always makes things better don’t they?

I hope you enjoyed Instant Family Review Part 2! Be on the look out because Instant Family Review Part 3 will be coming soon!

References

Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS). (2015). AFCARS report #23. Retrieved from https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport23.pdf

Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS). (2016). AFCARS report #24 [Web log post]. Retrieved from https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport24.pdf

Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS). (2017). AFCARS report #25 [Web log post]. Retrieved from https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport25.pdf

AdoptUSKids. (n.d.). Keeping siblings together [Web log post]. Retrieved from https://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children/children-in-foster-care/about-the-children/keeping-siblings-together

Department of State. (2017). Adoption Statistics [Web log post]. Retrieved from https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/Intercountry-Adoption/adopt_ref/adoption-statistics.html

Kernan, E. (n.d.). Keeping Siblings Together: Past, Present, and Future - National Center for Youth Law [Web log post]. Retrieved from https://youthlaw.org/publication/keeping-siblings-together-past-present-and-future/